Isn't There a Formula for a Healthy Intimate Relationship?

Do you ever wonder why the same formula you relied on for achieving success in your career does not apply to finding and securing a healthy intimate relationship? When you think of the effort you applied to achieve your career goals you probably think of doing, performing or accomplishing. In my work as a singles relationship coach I empower individuals to lose the traditional mind-set that you must do to achieve. It is not about changing who you are on the outside, it is about understanding who you are on the inside and finding out what is holding you back from attracting and maintaining that healthy intimate relationship you truly deserve. My work centres round preparing you for the intimate relationship that fulfils your highest potential. And the following three strategies support this process.

Slow Down

Too often I hear “if only I had a partner” all would be well. This thinking is not only faulty but it continues to damage your sense of self-worth. Becoming aware of your thinking patterns and understanding them can transform the kinds of intimate relationships you attract. It is impossible to catch your thoughts if you are so busy doing, performing and accomplishing. You must slow down. That may sound easy, but for those of you who love “being busy” it can be extremely challenging. Try to identify techniques unique to you that help you to slow down and become aware of your thinking regarding intimate relationships. This strategy highlights the importance of really getting to know yourself and identifying what works best for you.

Show Up

Relationships offer us the opportunity to grow and develop but they also require us to show up authentically and be present. If you find yourself busy engaging in the drama and business of your everyday life ask yourself how much of it is necessary? Are you protecting yourself from engaging in a real relationship because you fear growth? Or, are you approaching relationships as another “to-do” item? Explore what it means to be authentically you; discover what you need in relationship, say what you really mean, be kind to yourself and your potential partner and above all be present and truly listen.


If you find it challenging to receive love, it can be difficult to try and offer it to a potential partner. Equally, if you do not like who you are, how can you expect others to feel differently? Sometimes we are far less forgiving of ourselves than we are of others, become aware of the relationship you have with yourself and try to find ways to accept your imperfections, not only will this empower you but it will help you to accept imperfections in another. Loving yourself requires practice and some degree of effort. Most of my clients find this strategy the most challenging. Remember that you do not have to go this journey alone, if you find one or all of these strategies challenging, enlist the help of a dating and relationship coach or personal therapist to support you.