Fear of Intimacy: Pt. 3 of 3 // Psychology // Have You Learned To Fear Love?

Fear of Intimacy: Pt. 3 of 3 // Psychology // Have You Learned To Fear Love?

If you have grown up without ever experiencing a healthy connected relationship or, you have never received love in a safe way, it can be normal to feel resistance when love shows up in your adult life. For example, if growing up you were only exposed to conditional love, the kind of love with conditions attached, say you were loved only when you met your parent’s needs - you have learned this is what love requires. Reciprocal love is then unfamiliar territory and is usually accompanied by discomfort to which your immediate reaction is to push back. In this case, the familiar kind of love for you- the one not that does not require any change, the one you know how to handle is unhealthy love…

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Fear of Intimacy: Pt. 2 of 3 // Dating or In a Relationship // Turning Towards Friends

Fear of Intimacy: Pt. 2 of 3 // Dating or In a Relationship // Turning Towards Friends

How many of you recognise yourself in the following scenario? After a first date, you repeatedly arrive at any one or more of the following “conclusions” to justify why you do not want to see your date again. They may range from identifying qualities such as they were just too; boring, shy, full of themselves, mean, self-centred or, not funny enough” to physical characteristics such as; “he was just too small”, to the ultimate deal breaker for many, “he didn’t even pick up the bill!” It is extremely important to distinguish whether the person you are dating can potentially meet your needs in a relationship but do not overlook the fact that your fear of intimacy may lurk behind some of your assumptions…

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Fear of Intimacy: Pt. 1 of 3 // Online Dating // Fussiness

Fear of Intimacy: Pt. 1 of 3 // Online Dating // Fussiness

The match you really hoped would send you a message does and you decide the reply can wait. You resume swiping as if you never received a message from anyone. You put off chatting because you know once it commences you are “required” to investigate every possible “forget it”, known as your online dating yardstick. Here’s a few examples of the topics you may target based on the 4 existing photos on his profile; “if he’s 5 foot nothing, I can’t even wear heels”, “if he’s into the gym we'll never work, I can't stand it”, or, “if he’s into taking selfies, he loves himself”. Each “forget it” can build an idealised version of someone you would like to think exists. If you think this way, you could be accused of…

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Do You Know How To Love Yourself?

Do You Know How To Love Yourself?

"You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else”. Do you feel anger or frustration when this hackneyed expression is directed at you? Despite the fact this statement holds great truths, it can often be received as a smug utterance from someone who has accomplished all this loving of self, and others. The absence of good role modelling means that many of us may have no idea how to take care of ourselves. Unfortunately, a manual detailing how one might go about this does not exist in our schools or homes. The reality is that we follow the relationship patterns we have learned growing up instead of asking ourselves, “How can I make myself happy? How can I bring joy to…

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3 Common Relationship Myths

3 Common Relationship Myths

Connected relationships enhance our mental health and wellbeing. As a dating and relationship coach, I work with individuals who are single and coupled. I notice the more couples become aware of their behaviour in relationships, the more they notice the frequency they disconnect from their partner and why. One reason couples can “disconnect” or turn away rather than towards their partner is when they believe common relationship myths. Three popular myths that can challenge the health or connectedness of any relationship are as follows…

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Invest In Your Relationships

Invest In Your Relationships

Would you like to be happier, physically healthier, live longer and have fewer mental health problems? Research suggests you can by building connections with your family, friends, neighbours and community. Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives yet most of us complain about them and our approach to building and maintaining them is passive. Why? We simply do not know how to invest in them Most of us are aware what we do with our body can impact our wellbeing because a number of well-executed campaigns informed us. Unfortunately, information on building and maintaining healthy relationships and tackling the barriers to forming them is not so readily available…

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If You Want Relationship Success in 2018 Do These 3 Things

If You Want Relationship Success in 2018 Do These 3 Things

January is the ideal time to commit to change but too often people make resolutions with very little consideration on HOW they can achieve the relationship success they seek. How many times have I heard people say, “this is the year I’m going to; put more effort into my dating life or, focus on our relationship” without any clear plan on how they might actually achieve these goals. The reason we all have a tendency to overlook the planning stage is because most of us don’t know what we need to do. When we don’t have a clear vision we will more than likely fall off the bandwagon in quick time. Research suggests most people go back to their pre-resolution ways by the end of January. If that failure is not…

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Love Island Normalises Challenge in Intimate Relationships

Love Island Normalises Challenge in Intimate Relationships

Put a bunch of seriously good looking 20-something single people (“on paper”) into a sunny villa in Spain, ask them to play a myriad of ridiculous games that include as much sexual body movement as is possible, have them “couple up” and share a bed, all the while drip feeding even more good looking people into said villa, sign a contract promising to wear a uniform of the tiniest bikini or tight little shorts and ridiculous shades, insert silly voiceover, offer the winners £50,000 and you have a reality TV show that I cannot take my eyes off..

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Same Old Relationships, Same Old You?

Same Old Relationships, Same Old You?

We all talk about the life we want but, how often do our conversations include the types of relationships we would like to create? The start of a new year is a great time to reflect on the health of your current relationships and consider how you would like to improve them. Think of a relationship that is particularly difficult for you at the moment. It may be the one you share with your romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or even a colleague. What do you want to change about this relationship? Be honest. The vast majority of people answer this question by wishing “the other” would change. Here are some common responses, see if you can identify yours? “If only s/he would: do as I ask, be grateful for…

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